V has such video editing skills that I am ashamed of my shoddy Instagram reels where I just string one clip after another in the most predictable fashion ever. But hers’ would zoom in and out, spin, rotate, and probably do a somersault in thirty seconds. She creates videos for YouTube and has even managed to gain some subscribers. As far as I know, from idea to execution she does it herself.
I was concerned about cyber bullies on prowl when I first browsed through her channel. But soon I found out that she can tackle those with such sass that it seems dubious coming from a 9-year-old. When asked if she was eight, she once retorted with ‘what are you, like 4?’. She is too young to understand the irony of it.
Once we were playing ‘Name Place Animal Thing’. The game, if you don’t know, is to decide on an alphabet and then write a name, animal, place, and a thing starting with that alphabet. The one who thinks and writes first gets the highest point. At the end, you just add up all the points. We were playing it over Zoom, and we got the letter ‘U’. My sister and I couldn’t think of any animals starting with U. But V wrote ‘unicorn’. How did we not think of that? We were so impressed and she so triumphant, that we could not even tell her that those were not real.
She was 4 when she first learnt English by watching videos on YouTube. At age 6 she would talk to herself in an American accent, and she listened, and lip synced to songs which were mostly suited to be on a teenager’s playlist. To put that into perspective, at 12 I was singing- ‘jhinga lala hu’ while carrying sticks and bricks with my friends pretending to be early man. At 32 I still cannot fake an American accent. (Not that I want to.)
Two days ago, my sister sent me this quiz that V had created to determine her best friend. I was both amused and intrigued. Keeping herself as the prize and making people compete for it? Wow! Now that’s a lesson on self-love and how to ace it. I can see V selling her own line of merchandise someday- ‘Don’t run after the prize, be the prize. Make people want to want you’. As a kid, I chose my best friends based on whether we were laughing at the same jokes and going to the washroom at the same time.
Anyhow, my sister scored 5/10 and asked me to take the quiz. Now my sister thinks between the two us, she is her favourite aunt, and I am certain that she is wrong. So, I was game. Let’s settle this once and for all, I said and clicked on the link.
First question: What is V’s favourite day of the week?
Okay, that’s an easy one. Friday, I thought, clearly overlooking the fact that this is a child. My brain defended my answer – not a school night, no homework, no getting up early the next day. Friday it is.
Ehhhhh, wrong.
Okay, I get another chance. Think. Think. Think like a child. I got it. Definitely, definitely Monday. You get to go to school, meet your friends, and share secrets.
But the correct answer was Sunday.
Second question: What is V’s favourite social media channel?
YASS! I know this. YouTube. She has been binge watching it from the moment she was born. YouTube is as integral part of her childhood as scrapped and bloodied knees were for us.
Third question: What is V’s idea of a perfect date?
Excuse me, a what?
You are 9.
9!!
That’s the age to go on unwanted family vacations and get taken embarrassing pictures.
I took a deep breathe.
While my prominent side started arguing, “does she even know what a date is? It’s something her parents should go on, while she stays back with her baby sitter”. The laid back side read the options.
Going to the beach. Going on a romantic drive. Picnic in the park. Dancing in, what looks like, a club.
I know grown up people who have no idea what to aspire for in a perfect date. If asked, they would probably come up with- well, one where we don’t get embarrassed? And here is my baby niece, who is yet to hit her puberty, thinking about dates!
I clicked on picnic, and it was the correct answer. I was relieved that Netflix and chill was not an option.
Fourth question: What would V do if she wins a lottery?
Toys and pizzas did not make the cut. Instead, there was buying a private jet, travelling the world, building a big mansion- which by the way was the correct answer. I would have never guessed it.
So, my score now stands at 2/4.
Moving on…
Fifth question: What is V’s favourite city in the world?
Options: Switzerland, London, Venice, New York, and Paris.
I know this one, because she once asked if I lived in Paris. I told her I don’t live in Paris. But that I am closer to the city than she was, after which she exclaimed, “Wow, I love Paris!”.
Baby, everybody loves Paris. Even I do. But I hope you love it for Disneyland and macaroons only. Don’t ever let those movies teach you otherwise and when you grow up, I hope you love it for Simone de Beauvoir. Unlike me, I hope you are able to say her name properly. I hope like your videos, you twist and turn and roll your rrrrs.
Next question: What V drinks when she is with her friends?
Hot chocolate? No, wasn’t in the list.
Milk shakes? Didn’t make the cut either.
Soft drinks? Yes…and my score moves to 3!
Seventh question: What is V’s favourite flavour?
I know this. I know this. Once I got her a cake and she was excited to eat it. But when she found out the flavour, she announced indignantly that she loves only chocolate. Then she polished off a big slice while watching YouTube, like it was nothing out of the ordinary.
I am at 4. Two more to win.
The next question: If V could get anything in her home what would she get?
A robot to do all her homework? A house made of pasta and cheese? A house made of chocolate? A unicorn theme birthday party? A dog maybe?
When she was in Kindergarten, I once helped her with a math problem, and she was shocked to know that I knew that stuff. She looked at me in bewilderment and asked, ‘How do you know?’.
A few years before that, she was doing her homework and had spelled the word ‘RAT’ incorrectly. When I pointed that out, she informed me that rat is spelled as ‘XAT’, and that she knew that from school. When I showed the word in her school textbook, she suggested that maybe there are two rats. So, in addition to the curly hair and love for pasta, she also inherited my inability to accept mistakes.
When she was 6, we made a pact that I am going to give her a dog when she turns 13. She remembers it even now and reminds me from time to time. She thinks I do not need to run it by her parents, because it would be a gift for her. Apparently, she already has decided on names which once filled up three pages of my diary! Many of which were names taken from Frozen.
As a kid, all I ever wanted was a swing. I still want a swing, but one that would take all my current and all future body weight. I also want a sparkling clean house. No, actually, I want a house that would clean itself without charging me any money. I also want huge returns on my investments. Lesser premiums, lower risks. Higher interest. I want real estate prices to go down. I want equality, safety and to spend every summer vacations in a coastal village of Italy, with gelato, wine, pasta, and my partner. But who is asking me?!
Of all the things she could have, she wants a home theater. I am just sitting here thinking how fast she is growing up! A few years ago, she was celebrating the third birthday dressed up as Elsa.
I forgot a few questions that was on her quiz, because the last one was a shocker. I felt like someone pushed me off a cliff.
How many relationships V has had?
Relationship?
R… e….l… a….t….i…o…n…s…h…i… p
Nope, saying it slower didn’t help.
Perhaps she meant friendship. Are 9-year-olds allowed to have relationship? Isn’t the age limit 16? Or perhaps ‘never’ for the not-so-woke people of our country? What do kids do in a relationship? Participate in a race together? Sit together in class? Share cartoon recommendations?
Options were 0, 1, 2, 3, and 4. Answer shockingly was 1.
I did so poorly on this quiz that I took it again from a different device, and answered each of the questions correctly. She has no idea. I was thinking out loud- she maybe be smart, but I am smarter. I was chuckling with pride and called her the next day to earn some brownie points. Turns out there was some glitch and the new score never made it to her.
khimpidutta 